im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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