good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
