okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
