His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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