Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
