do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
