I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
