Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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