Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
