I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
