so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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