im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
