I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
