God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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