weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
