meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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