Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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