so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
