dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
