Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize