roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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