my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
