apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
