Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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