found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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