Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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