Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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