you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
