twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
