I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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