Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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