Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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