Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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