I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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