Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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