She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
