I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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