I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
