He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Two words: blizzard sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
