As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize