The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
