12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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