I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
