he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
