its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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