six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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