He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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