Buhtt sex?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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