i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
