I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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