Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Randomize
