You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
