i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
