what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
