thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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