I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
