Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
