Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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