I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
