White coat. Heels.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
