I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
