I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
