I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
