There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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