Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dick has a subreddit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
