apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
