I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
