just tell him i said nine months
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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