I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
