I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
