I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize