if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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