my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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