No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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