Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize