I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
