I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
