the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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